Partner A Perfectionist In Bed

If you do not have a great time in the bedroom lately, this may be due to a factor that is beyond your control. A recent study from the University of Kent, states that women who think their partner imposes perfectionism standards are more likely to suffer from sexual dysfunction.
For the study, researchers asked more than 366 women under 30 about their expectations and beliefs about sex, and whether the expectations and beliefs of others could have an impact on their sexuality.
They classified the responses into four types of sexual perfectionism:
  • Self-Oriented (the perfectionism standards you impose on yourself)
  • Partner-Oriented (the rules that your partner needed to itself)
  • Partner Directs (the perfectionism that your partner requires)
  • Socially prescribed (the standards of society)

The researchers found that sexual perfectionism prescribed by their partner is driving women to have a bad opinion of their sexual skills and diminished their ability to be excited.
But that's not all: they also discovered that this form of perfectionism diminished slef-esteem and increase their sexual anxiety. So, ultimately, a partner who thinks that sex must be done in a certain way and not otherwise disturbs many women.
Dr. Ian Kerner, sex therapist in New York, is not surprised by these findings. Although sexual perfectionism imposed by a partner is not a common complaint in his office, he says many couples and people have high standards in terms of gender, namely a rigid vision of how to take place sex and the frequency at which it should occur. "Although it is quite normal to have an opinion about how sex should take place, sexual perfectionism is an extreme version," he explains.
Dr. Kerner says that you could share your bed with a perfectionist sex if your partner meets the following criteria:
She has a strong opinion about how sex should take place
She is rigid about how sex should take place
She is concerned in advance by both her orgasm and yours
She shows little interest about your opinion
She guides you much for your sex
She is easily disappointed when things do not go as she pleased in bed
She is critical for your performance
She is more attentive to sexual performance than the emotional experience
What can you do?
According to Ian Kerner, it is important that you express yourself carefully. Since a perfectionist is sexually afraid to give up his power and find themselves vulnerable, you must break his protective shell to reach his vulnerable part. In other words, see your partner as a giant M & M's. To break the hard shell, you can tell him that you love to have sex with him, but you feel that you might be more spontaneous towards each other in bed
You can also take things in hand, suggesting a power game where it's your partner who must relinquish control of events. He might find it exciting not to take all initiatives - and your esteem of yourself will improve.

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