At the beginning of a loving relationship, partners are usually dazzled by the fires of love and passion, which prevents them from seeing certain defects on the other. But after the wedding, and after a long time spent together, these negative points gain momentum and sometimes risk extinguishing the love flame of the couple. According to Dr. Michael McNutty, an American psychotherapist, there are some signs that announce the beginning of the end (divorce). Discover them.
According to Dr. McNutty, arguing regularly is not necessarily a sign of divorce, but rather how couples manage their disputes and how they communicate during these times of crisis that can be a Predictive sign.
Here are the 7 signs of divorce, according to Dr. McNutty:
1 - More negativity than positivity:
The first sign of an unstable relationship is the increase in negative interactions, which can be in the form of repetitive criticism, sarcasm or incessant complaints.
According to Dr. McNylty, happy couples have about 5 positive interactions for each negative interaction. On the other hand, when we observe 1.2 negative interactions for each positive interaction, this is a sign of divorce.
2 - You are overwhelmed by the dispute:
Disputes can be very tiring and irritating, but if you notice that those with your partner arouse a variety of emotions and reactions in your body, it indicates that something is going wrong.
In this state, the conversation becomes impossible, which is why it is advisable to take a short break and walk away a bit to relax. As soon as you are a little calmer, have a quieter conversation with your partner to solve your problems.
3 - You point the faults of the other:
When you spend a lot of time with a person, even if it is not necessarily your partner, you begin to find his gestures and actions irritating from time to time. On the other hand, when you consider your partner's bad habits as rooted defects, it becomes problematic.
Mundane things like forgetting to do one's share of household chores can be interpreted as a lack of interest in your union and your life as a couple. Generally, this kind of behavior can lead to disputes, where each partner points out the other's faults, while the best way to solve this problem is to discuss it calmly.
4 - You are on the defensive:
It is quite natural to have a defensive reaction, when one receives criticisms or when one feels attacked. For example, if your partner blames you for neglecting some household chores, your reflex answer will be to tell him or her that you are still doing them, even if it is not!
This kind of reaction will certainly not make things happen, because you will never have a quiet and most productive conversation.
Instead, try to take responsibility for your actions. If you go back to the housework scenario, the most appropriate answer would be to support your partner by admitting that you forget some things and that you will do more to remind you. In this way, you show your partner that you are ready to cooperate to find a solution to your problems.
5 - You despise yourself:
Contempt is undoubtedly the biggest predictor of divorce, according to Dr. McNulty.
But that does not mean that partners no longer have a chance to revive their love and start a new page. Instead of feeding this contempt, focus instead on expressing your personal needs and try to look for the positive points of your relationship but also your partner, from contempt to the creation of a philosophy of appreciation .
6 - You feel neglected:
The lack of attention from one partner to the other is often interpreted as a lack of interest. For example, a partner who talks to another while he or she is telling him / her about his / her day, or who does not look at him / her when speaking to him or her, is seen by the other as a lack of respect and a sign of rejection and negligence.
Over time, these feelings accumulate, which kills communication in the couple and creates a deeper and deeper gap between the two partners, since each of them avoids talking to the other and sharing with him his worries .
7 - You do not feel connected:
Over time, the problems cited above accumulate and partners no longer feel able to discuss and find solutions to their concerns. They feel tired and do not have the patience or the will to cope with each other. Couple life based on love and sharing, then becomes a cohabitation between two roommates where everyone has their own world.