The child considers his parent as his reference, his model, his guide and his safety. What you give your child as he grows up will determine how he thinks of himself and his perception of the world around him. As a good imitator, the child builds himself and expresses himself by imitating your words and everything that happens around him. That's why you must pay attention to your language and avoid at all costs to say the following sentences.
Talking to your child is not always easy especially when you are overwhelmed by anger, nervousness or when you are annoyed by a bad behavior of it. In these cases, we sometimes lose our temper and our self-control and we may utter hurtful words. But no matter how you feel, pay attention to what you say to your child, and follow these tips.
Your child's inner voice is shaped by how you talk to him
A child's brain has more neural connections than an adult and it easily absorbs everything that happens around it. The mother's or father's voice is deeply rooted in her brain. Thus, by dint of hearing his parents, the inner voice of the child ends up resembling that of his mother or father. If speaking to your child you are always hard or cold or shouting whenever you want to say something to him, your child will tend to self-flog each time he makes a mistake. If you think badly of him and you tell him that, he will also think badly of himself constantly. Because as a parent you are his reference, he will tend to believe everything you say about him. Why not use this advantage to build it?
How should you express yourself with your child?
An insulting and angry inner voice can create a feeling of worthlessness and emptiness in the child, creating an inferiority complex. If your language is rather full of sweetness, love, honesty regardless of the act of your child, the inner voice will be a great support throughout his life and can become a source of motivation for him. It's not a matter of not blaming your child by showing them your disagreement and letting them make all kinds of mistakes. You can always show your discontent with words that show the child that you believe in him to do better.
Thus, even when you are far away, your child will find in himself a word of comfort that encourages him to always act better. You have the power as an adult, to make sure that the words you speak are revealing beautiful things, and not destructive. Here are a few sentences that must be avoided as far as psychologists are concerned when you reproach your child.
Do not say ... Say rather ...
1. Do not say "Stop crying immediately! Explain it to him rather that there is no harm in crying, but that this does not make of his act a good gesture which one must pose.
2. Avoid phrases like "You are worthless! Say, "Nobody's perfect, you can do better next time"
3. Do not say "Big girls / boys are not afraid! Instead of repressing your feelings, you can help your child by saying, "Sometimes we may be afraid sometimes, but you are my hero and I know you are brave enough to face that fear. "
4. Another sentence to avoid is "You disappoint me! Instead, say, "What you did is not good and even if you did it deliberately you'll see you can do better next time when I'll give you more explanations. "
5. Also avoid saying, "You're not able," instead say, "You're able to be anything you want or do whatever you want to do, you just need to train."
Adults are not the only ones responsible when it comes to bad words addressed to children. It may also happen that other children utter hurtful words. But if you change the way you approach children, you will be able to see a virtuous circle that will reverberate in society.