The Wonderful Advice Of An Old Man To Deal With Grief

There is nothing more devastating or heartbreaking than losing a loved one. Whether it's a friend, a partner, a family member or even ...

There is nothing more devastating or heartbreaking than losing a loved one. Whether it's a friend, a partner, a family member or even a beloved pet, the grieving process is real - the pain never really disappears. That's what happened to this woman who lost her friend, she was deeply in mourning, talking to strangers on the Internet for advice.

The answer of this old man is a lesson in life

"Very good, that's it. I am old. It means that I have survived (so far) and that many people I have known and loved have not survived. I have lost friends, my best friends, acquaintances, colleagues, grandparents, parents, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors and a host of others. I do not have children, and I can not imagine the pain of losing a child. But here is what I think.

I wish I could say that we are getting used to people who are dying. But I never managed to do it. Besides, I do not want it. Whenever someone I love dies, a colossal hole is formed in my heart, whatever the circumstances. However, I do not want it to be important. I do not want it to be just a passing event. My scars show the love and the relationship I had for and with this person. And if the scar is deep, so is love.

(...)

As for sorrow, he comes and goes in waves. When the ship is destroyed for the first time, you are drowning, with debris around you. All that floats around you reminds you of the beauty and magnificence of the ship that was, and is no longer. And all you can do is float. You find part of the wreckage and you stand there for a moment. Maybe it's something physical. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photo. Maybe it's a person who floats too. For a moment, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

At first, the waves are 30 meters high and crash on you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and do not give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is stay hooked and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll see that the waves are still 30 meters high, but come apart. When they come, they always crash on you and absorb you.

But between the two, you can breathe, you can act. You never know what will trigger grief. It could be a song, an image, an intersection of streets, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be anything ... and the wave crashes. But between the waves, there is life.

On the way, and it's different for everyone, you find that the waves are only 25 or 15 meters high. And while they are still coming, they are separating. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a Christmas or a party. You can see them coming, for the most part, and you are getting ready.

And when it's over, you know you're going to get out of it. Soaked, spitting water, still hanging on a small part of the wreck, but you'll come out.

Take these few words from an old man. The waves never stop coming, and one way or another, you will not want them to stop. You learn that you will survive it. And other waves will come. And you will survive them too. If you are lucky, you will have many scars from many loves. And several shipwrecks. "

What should never be said to a person in mourning
In these situations, one of the worst things to do is to use sentences that have not only been repeated in excess, but are completely misplaced. A typical phrase that is often said is: "He is now in a better place". How can anyone know such a thing? This statement does not help bereaved people.

A sentence that is of no help either, is that God needed the deceased more than the living one needed it. How can anyone know?

Another sentence that must absolutely be avoided, after the death of someone who has lived until the age of eighty or ninety is: "At least he lived a full life."

No matter how well these words are, they bring no relief to the person who is in mourning. These types of expressions trivialize the grief of the bereaved and give them the impression of suffering from something banal.
The Wonderful Advice Of An Old Man To Deal With Grief

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