It is often very difficult to choose what suits us, if we do not know what we need and what we want. This ignorance may lead us to look for someone, only to fill a void and reinforce our insecure areas. Thus, it is very easy to fall into a relationship of dependence, likely to block the development of one or both partners that compose it.
You were the best and the worst thing that happened to me
My dear,
I want you to imagine this: a helpless girl in her room, stifling her sobs, not knowing what to do because she is so lost. Now, I want you to imagine my face, because this girl was me and I was never good enough for you. I was often in the background, after dozens of other girls. Because of you, I felt absolutely useless. You destroyed me emotionally.
Yet I do not hate you. On the contrary, I want to thank you.
Although it took me months, I finally realized that it was not me who was not good enough for you, but rather you who was not good enough for me. These words have constantly resonated in me, and I have never ceased to tell myself that I deserved much better than this false idea of love, which was served to me on a damaged silver plate. I deserve better than to be ignored, I deserve better than to be manipulated. I deserve better than you.
I have become certain that I will not be that girl anymore, because I will never allow anyone to have a hold on me to the point where I lose control; to the point that I feel completely helpless.
For a very long time I thought you were my only source of light. I drowned and woke up every day hoping your hand would bring me to the surface and save me. But I was wrong. That night was the night when I realized that your hand was never there to save me, but rather to get further away. The only hand I needed was mine.
You were my darkness, and it took me far too long to make it happen
I know you're a good person, but the next time you ask yourself what you've done to me, I want you to think about that crying girl in her room. I want you to think about this girl, unable to sleep because the reality was much worse than the nightmares she could do at night.
I want you to think about this girl who hated herself so much that she had to force herself to get up in the morning. I want you to think about this girl who has gone through a lot of depressions.
I want you to think about all those things you've never seen, all those things you've never experienced, all those things that have been hidden for so long.
I hope you are happy, and I want you to know that I have no regrets. I wish you never to live the same hell that I lived. Thank you for dragging me into the darkness, thank you for helping me grow up and keeping me out of the way. Many extraordinary things are born of this darkness. Many extraordinary things are born of you.
