Children can easily adopt the habits and manners of those around them and, in most cases, those of parents, whose habits can sometimes be flawed. Moreover, anything they say to their children can lead to a lasting change in their personality that affects their vision and self-perception.
Here is the list of phrases you should never use when talking to your children.
"Stop crying right now"
Never ask your child to stop crying, even if you feel there is no reason to do so. He is only a child, he can not control his emotions yet. However, when you tell him to stop crying, you make him understand that he has to repress his feelings instead of managing or understanding them. This could have dangerous consequences in the future, because suppressing their feelings will make children more vulnerable to the adversities of life.
Say, "You can cry, but you must understand that what you did is wrong ..."
" You disappoint me "
This is a phrase that parents usually tell their children when they do something wrong. Know that when he makes a mistake, your child already feels guilty. Explain to him what he should have done, without making him feel disappointing, because over time it will affect his personality and make him unconvincing.
Say instead: "What you did is wrong. Let's talk about that, okay? "
"The big boys / girls are not afraid"
This does not protect your child. If they are scared, you can not put an end to their fear by telling them not to be afraid. Admit it, we all get scared sometimes. So teach them to face their fears instead of running away from them.
Say, "It's normal to be scared, everyone is scared sometimes, but I know what will help you overcome that feeling. "
"You are worthless! "
You are the person with whom your child is seeking approval. He should never fear what you might think of him. When he hears you say something like that, he will believe you. And guess what? He will always think that he is worthless, that he deserves to be abused, and will constantly seek the approval of others.
Say, "Nobody's perfect, you'll do better next time. "
"You are a bad boy / girl"
You should never let an error of your child condemn his personality forever. Errors do not define a person. It's a sentence that will make him feel inherently bad.
" I do everything for you "
Wait a second ... But you're supposed to do everything for him, he's your child! If you do not do it, who will? It's not a favor you give him, it's your role as a parent and it's his right as a child (yours). Stop making him feel that he owes you anything.
" You are fat "
If your child is really fat, he certainly knows it. He is probably intimidated by other children. And when he hears that from you, it will make him feel embarrassed and have a negative image of his body in the future. Make him feel loved and appreciated, and not devalued.
Instead, you should motivate him to lose weight by saying something like, "I'm thinking of starting to eat healthy and get in shape. Do you want to join me? I do not want to do it alone. "
"You can not do it"
This sentence can be very offensive because your child will think that it is not good enough for you. As a parent, he sees you as a voice of reason, so if for you he is not able to do such and such thing, it is that it is necessarily the truth and it will discourage him as and measured.
