Giving birth to a child is the most extraordinary thing a woman can do in her life. But how can this wonderful event lead to a true depressive state? Faustine Bollaert treated this problem in her program "It Starts Today". By inviting women suffering from maternal burn-out on the set, the journalist was able to highlight the daily difficulties faced by mothers.
Like professional burnout, maternal burn-out causes intense emotional fatigue similar to true depression. Mothers suffering from this situation generally do not dare to speak about it for fear of being judged. "How can I complain about my role as a mother? They say.
Yet, over time, the fantasy of a fulfilling family life disappears giving way to atrocious feelings.
A study in Belgium gathered five women aged 30 to 42, all with children over 18 months of age. Mothers had to answer comprehensive questionnaires about their mental well-being. Subsequently, their responses were analyzed by a clinical psychologist and an expert in qualitative analysis of life experiences related to chronic diseases. Their deductions have identified some causes and symptoms of burnout. Here are their observations:
Causes of maternal burnout
An idealization of the role of mother
When we give birth to a child, we immediately imagine that it will be an infinite happiness. We manage to convince ourselves that we will be an exemplary mother, that we will take care of our offspring and that we will be able to bring her everything she needs. We will educate him in the right way and we will transmit his intrinsic values.
Stress and overwork
Reality often catches up with us much faster than expected. We realize that the child does not sleep, that he cries a lot and asks for total attention. In addition, the need to be a perfect mother compels us to undergo additional pressure. We would like to respond effectively to all unspoken demands of the child.
A fear of losing control
Physical and emotional fatigue takes over and we are terribly afraid. Afraid to mismanage this great responsibility. Afraid our child is missing something. We are so eager to be up to the challenge that we end up exhausting ourselves and acting under the influence of emotions: anger, sadness and fear dominate.
Loneliness felt
A child is two and yet the mother often bears the greatest responsibility. She offers her love and energy to her offspring and has the intrinsic feeling that the father does not provide the same efforts. In addition, she sees her entourage go about her business without worrying about what she endures. She ends up feeling terribly lonely and helpless.
How do you know if you have a maternal burnout?
Physical and emotional fatigue
If you do not sleep enough, put a lot of pressure on your baby, have neck pain, headaches or general fatigue, you probably have burnout. You exhaust all your energy resources to assume your role as a mother and you end up feeling exhausted.
Anger and excessive sensitivity
When tears and screams increase as time passes, you end up becoming irritable and angry. He refuses to swallow his applesauce, you start screaming. He spilled milk on his blanket, you start crying. You are on the nerves and your sensitivity destabilizes you.
Shame and guilt
Since you can not control your emotions, you feel guilty. You have the impression of having failed in your role as mother who was so important to you. You constantly question yourself and you lose your self-esteem. You feel helpless and you start blaming yourself for everything. You are ashamed and this mixture of negative feelings that you feel weakens your psychic and leads you to depression.
How to get out?
To begin, you must absolutely feel guilty. For that, you must understand that the perfect mother does not exist and that you are human. You have the right to make mistakes and to feel bitterness. Then you must know how to delegate the tasks to a third person and talk about your emotions to your partner. If you find it hard to do so, or if you feel that he does not understand you, try talking to other mothers about it and you will know that you are not alone. You will discover that they share the same difficulties and the same fears as you.
It is very important to talk about the situation before it gets worse. If you feel that you are falling into depression, do not hesitate to consult a psychologist. Motherhood is a hard test and has its share of pressure and questions. You need to be supported in your approach and regain your joie de vivre to better understand each situation.
