"Envy, this vice contrary to all love". Words of the essayist and novelist Sébastien Lapaque that sound very right when you realize that this universal feeling is actually much more destructive than it seems. Like rust, it gradually erodes the value of our relationship with our friends to leave room for a broken link, often irreparable. In friendship, envy is pernicious. If envy is so dangerous, it is because in reality, it entails envy and envy in an infernal spiral.
Envy and jealousy, two twin sisters?
According to experts, pathological envy is distinguished by its ability to push the envy to act to overcome the feelings that overwhelm him. By adopting certain behaviors to look like the envied, he validates his feelings towards the other. Unfortunately, these actions do not only mean the desire to possess, as the psychoanalyst Mélanie Klein explains. It would also be the irrepressible desire to destroy the happiness of the other, to deprive him of what makes him happy to be the sole beneficiary.
Moreover, if jealousy is intrinsically linked to love, envy would be at odds with hatred. The French moralist Jean de La Bruyère illustrates it perfectly in Les Caractères, "envy and hate always unite and strengthen each other in the same subject". Indeed, jealousy is still associated with a rational feeling, contrary to envy that would be more of vice from a Cartesian point of view.
Envy, a dangerous feeling
A envious friend is a concept much more widespread than we think. In the United States, the oxymoron "frenemy" has appeared to designate this "false" friend who conceals his bad intentions towards you. This word-case combines the word "friend" to "ennemy" to describe the paradox of this form of friendship unfortunately more and more common. A kind of Trojan horse that enters your life in a hypocritical and disguised way to know you better and to be able, when the opportunity arises, to rejoice in your failures.
In addition, an envious person creates a dangerous rivalry in friendship. The only problem is that it usually goes unnoticed in the eyes of those who suffer the costs. In a devious way, she takes her bearings in your life to ensure her happiness at the expense of your misfortune. In love, family or professional, she will feign sympathy and kindness to guide you imperceptibly towards the objectives that benefit him the most.
The real danger is the staging that accompanies this terrible feeling. Indeed, an envious friend can be far more dangerous than your worst enemy, who at least has the merit of being honest about his feelings and hatred against you. As a result, the problem is actually a myriad of pitfalls that only take a wrong step on your part to sentence you to life. At his side, know that you advance in minefield daily, vulnerable and exposed to a hatred of which you are the subject without even knowing it.
How to recognize an envious friend?
To try to detect this defect in one of your friends, it is essential to pay attention to certain signs, including its presence in bad times without necessarily giving you support. Seeing you suffer, she rejoices internally because she knows that her goal has been achieved. On the other hand, his presence will tend to be rarer in moments of joy. Irritated by your happiness, she will find it difficult to hide her frustration and prefer to isolate herself to avoid revealing her true intentions.
Rely on your intuition to detect its negative aura that will not fail to invade you when it is at your side. His passive-aggressive speeches will also not be neglected because they will be the first indicator of his excessive desire. Moreover, she will always make sure that all the attention is directed towards her, even if her presence is initially supposed to comfort you. By paying attention to the signs, you will realize very quickly that in reality, she chooses her moments to spend time in your company.
